Just a Little Closer….

Subtle, sweet and unassuming, so it begins.  The heart is pure and intent on righteousness.  Desires for godly things are intact as always.   She is involved in church and serving in several capacities.  Everyone knows her to be sincere and committed. 

As time goes on, she fellowships with her usual core of friends and even a few new ones have dropped in the circle of close friends.  Their fellowship is usually decorated with arguments about social issues and trends.   After a while the arguments vacillate between logical modern thinking and foundational Bible principles, but usually rest on each following his or her personal conviction.  April feels uncomfortable with these conclusions, but withholds so as not to be labelled “too spiritual.”  After all, her friends explain that the Bible was relevant on certain issues for the time and culture it was written in.  However, this a different time. 

April does not believe this theory entirely and knows that there are some things that the Holy Spirit checks her on.   Still there are mentally foggy moments when she struggles to locate the truth: the truth about her singleness, and the phrase erroneously accredited to the Bible, “God helps those who help themselves.”

When April and David discovered they were the only two young persons to have joined the company for years, they found common ground.  They looked out for each and tried scheduling their lunch break at the same time.  David’s sense of humor was more than enough to lighten the stress of the job and besides, he was quite a conversationalist.  April was always the one reminding him that they needed to get back to work.  They both worked in the field and beyond office hours.  It was only natural for them to form a bond. He fitted in seamlessly with her friends, although he was not a Christian. Eventually, David mustered up the courage to tell her how he feels about her.  Though she blushed profusely, she welcomed the outpouring of love and affirmation.

Weeks later as they sat at lunch, April exposed even more of her heart to David and shared with him her pledge of purity.  David was stunned and clammed up.  He questioned her a little but mostly listened intently.  This time David was the first to mention that it was time to return to work.  An airy silence was wedged between them and April could not understand it.  She pushed for answers but received more and more excuses.  Eventually, David told April on the phone that their relationship could not work, since he is young and was not up for a celibate lifestyle. “One of us has to change and it’s not me April.”

April was bowled over.  To keep David she would have to compromise.  The boundary stone placed in her heart after pledging purity could not be moved.

In her brokenness… April realised that her compromise started from not standing up for righteousness unashamedly with her “Christian” friends.

“Faith comes by hearing…” So what you lend your ears to will form your beliefs or shake them.  April could never have seen herself dating an unsaved guy.  She was surprised at how easily she slid into this relationship.  April began spending more time in prayer and reading her Bible where she re-established her standards and the value she placed on GOD’s word.  Seeing David in the office was a challenge at first but also a reminder of how easy it is to drift once we take our eyes off GOD.  April decided to embrace her title as “too spiritual” among her friends as she defends the infallible Word of GOD.

Silence…

By Tania Case

Such a striking operation now activated…Moving over cultures, crossing national barriers to stand even in congregations. It’s mantra subliminally compels all to bow and kiss its ring. Good is overrated and bad is celebrated…

Without converging internationally nations ascribe to uniformity… crutched upon the walking stick of compromise.

Truth once taught is intolerable, even profane and downright abominable

Who dares the rare level-headed one to publicly unclothe truth, removing duct-tape and handcuffs?

Such shame would shroud him…vicious sharp adjectives slashes through the layers of his skin

What after all is brilliant light to the darkened eyes and hearts – but an insult!

We’re cozied up and comforted in these overshadowed days, we pull past archaic norms that would obstruct our way.

The spirit of the age makes ‘fraid the brave

The phlegm covered truth – a rarity now but in the near past was esteemed like royalty. Where you there?

When silently the door swung open to political correctness… as it stealthily walked in respect was bestowed upon it

All acknowledge they must avoid offense to make the unity flow. Tolerance with militancy stood at ease beside him ready to penalize the poorly-mannered.

Though the majority the truth did carry, a powerfully passive silence laid them low. They anticipated though that some familiar voice would upset the Quo….but no….no…one waited for another. That’s how we got here brother…paying homage to the spirit of the age.

https://www.amazon.com/Wife-Material-Tania-Case/dp/1790533619

Wouldn’t you agree that you have to look out for yourself as well as others? Instinctively, all humans do. Our fabulously fashioned bodies automatically protect us against harm. Our eyelashes keep the dirt out, our ears have wax to keep insects out, our hard skulls protect our soft brain, while our rib cage protects our heart….you get the gist! So why not protect yourself from clear and present dangers in relationships?

We’ve all had those experiences where we encounter an attractive guy who sends shock waves through us – it could be his smile, intellectual prowess, sense of style, talent or just his roguish sense of danger. At this point you whisper to your common sense “Shut up! This guy is amazing!” You then enjoy the short-lived thrill. For some, everything about him says he belongs to a different kingdom, but you reason…”he’s got a good heart.” Funny!

If not you, you’ve observed this scenario with friends and what do you want to do? Graciously and politely tell them “Stop the foolishness!” This is even more provoking when the drama is prolonged and you have to stick around, as good friends do, for the mop up. There are just some situation that neither GOD nor the devil had anything to do with. Truthfully my friend, one of us, was just led astray by our own lust (not just sexually). Sure, the devil did indeed exploit the situation and have waited to do so.

I’ve got your back no matter how strong or weak you are. Let’s start putting together a preemptive strike sister to sister. If you don’t have barriers any dog can poop on your lawn. You don’t want to start thinking about boundaries when your heart is racing and your feet cant reach the brakes. We’re smarter than that! So, here’s what we do. Write. Put to words the kind of husband you desire. We want to engage the help of GOD for this, since HE’s the one holding the answer sheet. So get your worship on and engage God on this journey. What are some of the characteristics that really matters to you in a relationship?

So now you’re catching a glimpse. What kind of purpose will you fulfill together? Write what’s in your heart. What are the issues you must bring solutions to? You’re getting a goal in mind that’s bigger than today and more impressive than your burning flesh. You’re just starting….

When you’re clear on his character, you have just set your standard. Standards are boundaries that keep you in (check) and stragglers out of your way. These boundaries are for safety and not for stifling potential. Who are the persons who look up to you now or will look up to later? Remember you are also living your leadership. “Follow me as I follow Christ.” You will one day help them through this.

It’s time to put up some more boundaries. We will all have different types of barriers. Where one can use a fence another may need a thick block wall. Take physical touch for example, some person are turned on at holding hands while to other it matters not. To thine own self be true. Set barriers based on how you know you are and out of your desire to honor GOD with your body.

Examples of boundaries: Open mouth kissing is reserved for after engagement. I will have someone keep me accountable in serious relationships. I will not date non-Christian guys.

These standards have to come from your own heart or they will be just a list of lifeless rules. None of these will work until you decide – make up in your heart that this is what you’re about.

So what if it turns off guys? It should. The right one will admire and respect you. He’ll understand that the treasure he has. For those who cannot, you’ll say, “If it’s not you, it’s better.”

“Fluffy Friends”are like cotton candy, your favorite pillow or soft marshmallows. They are full of sugar and/or air. No matter what, these friends only talk about positive things, which sounds good. You may even practice to speak at a certain octave with such friends – because happy is the objective! Without effort, friendships can fall into the realm of “Fluffy” where your friend endeavors to keep you happy and comfortable and you return the same favor!

So what happens when you’re not so “happy”and things are actually looking confusing and chaotic. I get it, that’s when you must by all means avoid “fluffy friends,” since these relationships are built and sustained by happy juice. That person has no place in your real life, since it doesn’t always feel happy. If I’m having issues…”Get me a real, unpretentious friend somebody!”

You need a real friend who can hear you and speak kind truths to you. Be aware that some of these kind truths don’t always feel good, but the motive of a real friend is to always do you good – sometimes like medicine.

Truthfully, it could be you or I who created an atmosphere for “fluffy friends” to stay “fluffy.” How so? In your many interactions you inadvertently tell people how near they can come to you. Some will be brave and step past the “do not enter” sign, while others will respect the fact that you have a right to your sign. To them, you might seem unreachable and even insincere.

Story time…

I had a good friendship with three friends. We prayed together, hung out together, planned events together and engaged in a variety of activities. For the most part with all my friendships, my friends would bare their souls and I would wrap my arms around them. However, one friend was different. Though she looked forward to our activities and called me frequently, something was missing. Since, I only knew to be authentic, I asked her how she really was and why she seemed distant. She explained that I would have to ask about a particular thing to get a direct answer. I was happy to tell her why I did not go probing into private issues. “You’re like hugging clouds. I cant feel you!”

I explained it this way….Friendship is like visiting someone’s house. With some friendships I am at the gate shouting…”Hold the dog!” Still with others, I’m seated on the veranda or patio, waiting for some lemonade. My location in the relationship is dependent on the level of vulnerability in the friendship. A gentle prod in a conversation tells you whether a person is comfortable having you sit on their living room couch. If a friend always have guarded responses when asked about his or her life, he/she is indicating the kind of relationship they want with you.

In the case of my friend, I was respecting her boundaries based on previous prodding. While we spoke profusely about our common interests and events, our conversation never got personal. This was the real measurement of our friendship. I did realize that my friend was use to those who barged in beyond the do not enter sign and made her talk. I was waiting, sipping lemonade on the veranda. When crisis hit, she invited me to sit in the bedroom. It took special care to get her out of the fluffy friend zone to where she became vulnerable without being barged in on.

” And so, putting away false words, let everyone say what is true to his neighbour: for we are parts one of another. ” Eph 4:25

Not everyone will be your close friend, but for those you call “friend” be a friend – sincerely loving them to life. Avoid meaningless “fluffy friendships” that help no one. Sometimes we’re guarded because of previous pains and disappointments but we can also miss out on living because of the burglar bars on our hearts. Cut the fluff but work on good sweet friendships.

They were a part of a contrived team of workers thrown together as if randomly with the goal of boosting sales of the nutri-drink in low income communities. As they strategized and mapped out a plan to penetrate the pilot community, he realized she had quite a brain and the focus that goes along with it. Secretly he felt inspired to be at the top of his game. He devoted more time to doing research in preparation for their frequent meetings. Eventually, he too was looking quite impressive and he hungered for a compliment not only from his other colleagues but her. Still, it seems she only knew one mode: work! Greg from the advertising department sped up behind David as he stuffed his work-bag with papers heading to his next meeting.

“You’re acting strange,” chuckled Greg. “Brah, please do not start your investigative journalism into my life. I’m good!” replied David. “I’m not saying you’re not good but all of a sudden you are super studios and beat everyone to a new idea. Seems you and Charity could well be the team of 12.” David stopped in his track, “Really? That’s how it looks? Man! She is so driven. I have no chance with a girl like that unless I work harder and pray harder. Even then I might not be her type.” “Well, I still say, be yourself and stop trying to do everybody’s job.” “Thanks Man,” said David, ending the conversation with a fist bump.

Although it was his idea to oversee sampling and surveys in the pilot community with Charity, he was exceptionally nervous and eventually asked Greg to come along. For the first time he saw Charity in a different light. She was approachable and warm to members of the community. They loved her as she playfully offered options of the milky drink to children and adults. As David refilled her supplies he finally struck a conversation with her that was not work-related. “You seem like a totally different person out here mingling with other people.” Charity laughed and added “So do you. You’re not usually this quiet.” Greg quickly excused himself, heading over to a crowd of onlooking neighbors. “Give it a try and tell us what you think,” he shouted.

David and Charity chatted for the next three hours on and off as they moved through the community. It wasn’t long before David discovered that the very resolute cheerful Charity was an uncompromising Christian. She explained that most guys from work were “not her type.” He asked if her hard working attitude was intended to mitigate against them. “I never saw it that way, but I just tell myself what I am there to do and then do it. That way I’m sure to achieve my goals.” David was disturbed and taken aback. He felt dumped in with all the “work guys” before he even had a chance. “Work guys are usually after one thing so they can walk the halls chattering with their friends about who they’ve slept with. I’m not interested! “Here you go Ma’am,” said David handing out the last of the samples.

As the three packed up at the end of the day, Greg told David, “Brah, my energy is about spent in this hot sun. I don’t think I’m going to make your event this evening. Maybe you could ask Charity.” “Oh no, I don’t attend those events. Besides, I’m going to a relationship forum at the Jubilee Christian Fellowship this evening.” Greg began to laugh uncontrollably. “What are you over here telling Charity, David? You do know that this is a pastor’s kid and he’s the one hosting the relationship forum you plan to attend?” “David, you never said a word!” Charity felt embarrassed and judgmental. “Be yourself man,” chimed Greg.

“I just didn’t know how to climb out of the pile of “not my type” work guys after being buried so deep.” David reached out a hand to Charity as if to say all is forgiven.

Have you ever met a real life enzyme inhibitor? I mean he almost looks like the appropriate one. Pardon the science lesson.

Recalling my chemistry class, enzymes have a substrate within which to fit. Once that enzyme meanders its way to its proper site – Boom! There is a reaction and the catalyst creates the desired reaction in the body.

Follow along even if you hate chemistry.

Now, if the slick smooth talking ill-shaped enzyme gets to a site not intended for it and forces its way, that reaction will be grossly reduced or never happen. Strangely, this bit of chemistry is etched in my mind especially as I think of relationships.

There are times when I see a guy, who has no plan for permanency, hanging around an unassuming lady and I just want to whisper…”Enzyme Inhibitor.”

Why? He is only occupying her space until he finds something better to do! He is an enzyme blocker! Why is he dangerous? Not only is he wasting her time, but like an enzyme inhibitor, he can disfigure the space intended for the other brother until he cant find that place in her heart. He has bent her out of shape.

Even her very purpose can be disfigure if she is not healed and restored. Have you met an “Enzyme Inhibitor?” He is ill-equipped to handle your heart and has scant regard for your value and vision. Run!!!! For all that you know is within you and must one day be delivered to this world, run!

Another name for an “Enzyme Inhibitor” is Ishmael. He is so close to the promised one, but is not the one. He came out of your human wisdom and rational earthbound thoughts. However, Isaac, the real man, is born of the Spirit of GOD.

You will recognize an “Enzyme Inhibitor” when you have to morph into someone else to fit in his world. You will not measure up. Why? He stopped with the wrong someone. You find yourself in the seat of compromise making excuses for him because there are three things on your list of 20 that he checks off.

Refocus: get back in GOD’s presence and give him up. For HE knows the plans HE has for you…plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you hope and a future. (Jer 29:11) The longer you stay the more permanent this damage can be to your heart. Remember the one who deserves you waits. It takes the right person to catalyze the purpose you were intended to accomplish. Don’t risk an “Enzyme Inhibitor.”

“Enzyme Inhibitors reduce the rate of an enzyme catalysed reaction by interfering with the enzyme in some way. This effect may be permanent or temporary.” https://alevelnotes.com/notes/biology/biological-molecules/enzymes/enzyme-inhibitors

Faith changes us before it changes our circumstances. Hebrews 11:1 describes it as a confidence in what you hope for and an assurance that you have what you have not yet seen manifested. Rebekah had it! Gen 24…Her faith took on flesh and she did not bat an eye to recognize it, when Abraham sent his servant to find a wife for his son Isaac. The nervous servant followed the script and stopped by the well, where he prayed for GOD to help him locate this wife for his master’s son. Before he ended his prayer, the beautiful Rebekah appeared.

Did she know that she was walking into a set moment? Maybe not. She might have worn her favorite dress. Instead, she had on the kindness that was already woven into her character. Encountering a complete stranger and offering to help a man who was not even a husband-hopeful, flowed naturally for Becky. She got him a drink of water and in addition offered to water his camels too. The unnamed servant watched in awe, wondering if GOD could be this good and answer so quickly. Yes! Rebekah checked all his boxes and he presented her with a gift and asked to overnight at her parent’s house.

In the morning, the servant having divulged the purpose of his visit and asked for Rebekah, was ready to return to his master. All of a sudden, Becky’s parents decided that the servant should wait 10 more days to take their Rebekah. The servant was not in agreement and protested. Finally, her parents suggested calling Rebekah and ask her what she preferred. The readied Rebekah had no sentimental attachment to her family home and promptly agreed to move on to the life she had waited for. Her faith produced and so will yours.

So, are you Rebekah ready with faith intact?

If I were to ask you if you knew what you’re husband looks like, would you say yes? Keep smiling…Surely you have spoken to GOD about him repeatedly. No, I’m not referring to a vague groan of a plea requesting a husband. You have a standard and even if you hide it from yourself, you have an expectation too.  What if you were to dream with GOD? Before you draw a blank, consider that everything that was made came out of the imagination.  Imagination is the workshop for what our physical eyes see.

So how do you dream with GOD?

Whenever you know you are truly in His presence and have a great sense of Him and you go to pray, don’t fail to bring the desires of your heart to GOD.  In this place, your desire is under the influence of GOD’s presence and you will pray differently.  The things you will ask for concerning your husband will be more meaningful and eternally valuable. Wait until His presence is sweet and you’re overcome by HIM. Pray about his character, purpose and his development in GOD.

There were two marked experiences I had while praying for my husband – one deviously negative and one purposefully positive. Let’s look at them both.

Story time…

Having had my devotions, my mind wondered and I began to talk to GOD flippantly about my husband.  I thought, “why not tell GOD what I want him to be wearing when I meet him?”  I described the exact outfit, making sure to note what I was requesting.  Months later, I was being picked up for a rehearsal at my mentor’s house by a “friend” of mine.  I knew he was standing in the living room and I was finishing up a task for our skit.  I heard a voice speak to me, “look at what he is wearing.”  I looked up immediately! I was stunned. Jeans shirt, floral tie, khaki pants and brown shoes never had that effect on me.

I consoled myself on the ride over. “This is a fluke.”  Besides, months earlier GOD spoke to my heart during devotions and instructed me to have nothing more than a friendship with this guy. The night was just beginning!

After arriving at my mentor’s house, she introduced the guest speaker for the conference we had been preparing for.  Before we could begin rehearsal, the guest speaker called my friend and told him not to worry about me, since I’ll come around and we’d be married soon. I went numb. We drove home in frigid silence. The weekend was just beginning!

At the heights of the conference, the guest speaker called out my friend.  The audience, which was filled with most of my small-church members, was stirred and the speaker began to prophesy. You guessed it! It was all about the two of us getting married.  I went outside and had strong words with God.  “God, if this is you, I do not know you!” It was not that he was not a great guy, but I knew God said “no” months before as well as the fact that our purposes and passions collided. 

It was time to fast and seek God until…After three days God responded.  “Do not believe the lies they have prophesied in my Name. I did not send them.”  There was a skillful eavesdropper noting my prayer.

In less than two years I married my husband. Sadly, my wonderful friend died of a brain aneurysm that no one saw coming. I would have been a widow if I had not known a personal GOD.  

When I spent time in His presence and there prayed for my actual husband before we met, I understood how to pray.  In the place of intimacy with GOD, I learnt he was not yet saved and prayed accordingly.  There were times I prayed for him to be receptive to what God was teaching him. The Spirit of God searches all things and reveals truths to us.