“Fluffy Friends”are like cotton candy, your favorite pillow or soft marshmallows. They are full of sugar and/or air. No matter what, these friends only talk about positive things, which sounds good. You may even practice to speak at a certain octave with such friends – because happy is the objective! Without effort, friendships can fall into the realm of “Fluffy” where your friend endeavors to keep you happy and comfortable and you return the same favor!
So what happens when you’re not so “happy”and things are actually looking confusing and chaotic. I get it, that’s when you must by all means avoid “fluffy friends,” since these relationships are built and sustained by happy juice. That person has no place in your real life, since it doesn’t always feel happy. If I’m having issues…”Get me a real, unpretentious friend somebody!”
You need a real friend who can hear you and speak kind truths to you. Be aware that some of these kind truths don’t always feel good, but the motive of a real friend is to always do you good – sometimes like medicine.
Truthfully, it could be you or I who created an atmosphere for “fluffy friends” to stay “fluffy.” How so? In your many interactions you inadvertently tell people how near they can come to you. Some will be brave and step past the “do not enter” sign, while others will respect the fact that you have a right to your sign. To them, you might seem unreachable and even insincere.
I had a good friendship with three friends. We prayed together, hung out together, planned events together and engaged in a variety of activities. For the most part with all my friendships, my friends would bare their souls and I would wrap my arms around them. However, one friend was different. Though she looked forward to our activities and called me frequently, something was missing. Since, I only knew to be authentic, I asked her how she really was and why she seemed distant. She explained that I would have to ask about a particular thing to get a direct answer. I was happy to tell her why I did not go probing into private issues. “You’re like hugging clouds. I cant feel you!”
I explained it this way….Friendship is like visiting someone’s house. With some friendships I am at the gate shouting…”Hold the dog!” Still with others, I’m seated on the veranda or patio, waiting for some lemonade. My location in the relationship is dependent on the level of vulnerability in the friendship. A gentle prod in a conversation tells you whether a person is comfortable having you sit on their living room couch. If a friend always have guarded responses when asked about his or her life, he/she is indicating the kind of relationship they want with you.
In the case of my friend, I was respecting her boundaries based on previous prodding. While we spoke profusely about our common interests and events, our conversation never got personal. This was the real measurement of our friendship. I did realize that my friend was use to those who barged in beyond the do not enter sign and made her talk. I was waiting, sipping lemonade on the veranda. When crisis hit, she invited me to sit in the bedroom. It took special care to get her out of the fluffy friend zone to where she became vulnerable without being barged in on.
” And so, putting away false words, let everyone say what is true to his neighbour: for we are parts one of another. ” Eph 4:25
Not everyone will be your close friend, but for those you call “friend” be a friend – sincerely loving them to life. Avoid meaningless “fluffy friendships” that help no one. Sometimes we’re guarded because of previous pains and disappointments but we can also miss out on living because of the burglar bars on our hearts. Cut the fluff but work on good sweet friendships.