If there is a pet peeve I have in life, it’s watching an under-interested guy waste a well-meaning girl’s time. Gliding by and watching these relationships ensue…I get a “Color Purple” flashback!

Singing…“Sister…you’ve been on ma mind…sister we’re two of a kind…oh my dear Sista..I’m keeping my eyes on you.”

I’m keeping my eyes on you…make sure you have an inner circle of sisters to speak truthfully and lovingly into your life. There are two sides to the powder puff. Some sisters have now abruptly retired from this role because friends pulled away having heard a word of caution and have even resolved that they were jealous of the relationship. Yes, I understand. A wise friend often knows when to go mute on certain topics, especially at the risk of losing the friendship all together.

On the other side, there are girlfriends who meddle in relationships while trying to manipulate it for their own benefit. Truthfully though, not every friend is an inner circle (Icy) friend. So there must be those you can allow to prayerfully watch over your relationship. They will see what’s in your blind spot and possibly save you some wasted years. Pinpoint those “Icy” friends and value them.

Who wants to be in a relationship with someone who is not passionate about them? Sadly some relationships are about filling a gap…or just having something to do. Aren’t you worth more than that? In such a relationship, you get the feeling that you’re a side order, which can easily be done without. Who’s got time for that when you could be building the foundation of lifelong relationship. This is why dating all kinds of people is tiring. Some of you ladies know you’re the one wasting a gentleman’s time when you’re just occupying your time. Please step out of the way of that woman’s husband. I hear a woman all the way at the back of the auditorium shouting and clapping ..”yes..yes!” One woman’s trash is another woman’s treasure!

Do not allow anyone to come and park his car at you front door when the relationship is going no where. Often times you excuse the lackluster treatment hoping for a brighter day. I must say, if there is no sense of cherish now, he’s not convinced he’s found his “good thing.” You are someone else’s “good thing”-he will confirm it with a ring. I recently asked a gentleman if a girl he’s been seeing is worth it. He quickly responded, “No, not really!”

How could we then expect him to love her as Christ loves the Church and gave himself for her? When he is convinced about his “good thing” his answer will be different.

Me-alistically speaking…the basic principles of the Bible wrestle against the common culture of me-ology. Me-ology is the study of self and what pleases self. Imagine your precious soul grappling with the concept of putting others first, verses that of “just do you.” Come on, we all would love to hear that we are free to do “us.” “Yay! I can do what I want, when I want to and the way I want to! Is this not freedom, O!”

Ok, stop your old school dancing now! It won’t work! Actually, you know deep down that it cannot work. Truthfully speaking, there is a gravitational pull toward me-ology everyday of our lives. It’s only the resolute who can actively deny self-worship and share their light with others. Otherwise, we jealously guard our space. “You’re in my space,” we think loudly as we’re pushed to entertain someone beyond our comfort zone. Not to mention that there is but so much time that we can afford to give to someone else’s cause before returning to “my issues.” Don’t worry… the gravitational pull to be selfish is great on us all, whether we choose to admit it or not. Married or single.

I wish I could tell you that I found in the Bible the verse which says, “love yourself.” It would be the most quoted! Instead…Jesus had this to say…

“You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment. And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself. Mt 22:37-39 ESV

I can imagine the disciples listening to how we ought to love GOD while wait to hear the assignment to love yourself. Jesus seemed to skip over that one and went on to talk about loving our neighbors! Tucked underneath that verse is “as yourself.” This statement presupposes that we already love ourselves. The work then is how to love others with that same careful attention paid to ourselves. This is why I say Christianity is not for wimps! So muscle up!

If JESUS ever loooved himself, we would never hear of the cross nor the verse which says “greater love hath no man than this, than for a man to lay down his life for his friends.”

So if you’re in love, let me tell you what you’re signing up for. If you love your friends, family, co-worker let me shed some light on that commitment. It’s a commitment to sacrifice your meological thinking for the good of others with no strings attached. Let’s take a closer look at love…
⁴ Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud ⁵ or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. ⁶ It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. ⁷ Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. 1Cor 13:4-7

Wait! Before you walk away saying, “In that case, I don’t love nobody!” There are illustrious blessing for loving selflessly like this! Here is another principle for you…when you sow love, it grows exponentially and you and your children will reap a harvest. You have it in you to love much stronger than you have, if JESUS is within you.

Meology cannot be your life’s theology if you intend to do life God’s way.

Catch up on the previous blog “Me-ology”

Anyone who dutifully tastes his or her words before spitting them out, is named among the wise.  Our world is woefully in need of the truth. A husband may quickly caution his wife about how she packages and presents the truth.  Certainly,  it is risky to tell the truth without tact. As a matter of fact, a tactless truth falls among lies and can be just as destructive.

“I was just saying.”

A dry-humored son runs to his mom and affirms his career of choice: comedy. Hmmmn…it’s the perfect opportunity to empower this child along the lines of his gifts and talent without killing his enthusiasm.

It may sound erroneous, but not every truth deserves to be heard. Who wants to hear or “needs” to hear, “you look fat,” or “age is doing a number on you.”  The greatest truth about telling the truth is why we tell the truth! Are we seeking vindication or promotion? Maybe we just want to set a person free or help them up.  Maybe we want to put things in perspective so excellent decisions can be made.

There is a myriad of reasons to tell the truth as long as our motive is pure.  In the case of relationships, don’t just taste your words.  Consider if this truth can be received by this person at this time. Bear in mind…no matter how it is packaged, some people suffer from truth allergy! “Achoo!”

Here I was thinking forever. Years of conversations knitted our hearts together. No telling where my dream began and where his ended. We were woven into a knot…yes bonded.  It wasn’t because we didn’t have problems, doesn’t everyone?

We were music, notes, melody – a strong song.  I couldn’t tell the color of those waving flags along the way. But I could see myself caring for him until I was old and gray.

Feelings of indigestion with things that didn’t settle with me. I toughened up lay them aside…I sacrificed for “we.”

Then in one surreal moment… rhinos ran ransacked my reality. A slight dissent brought us to a calamity…I was sure he was joking. My words like a cushion I’m tossing… across the room but he’s not catch it. I’m lost! No smile back. He wrapped up the years with a bow on top. “You’re a misfit for my future.” The room reverberate my shock!

I can’t say I saw it coming…haven’t seen much lately…like my personal identity… or my faithful friends who warned me…you’re wifing way too early. Imagine me…wifing before the ring.

Swirling around in my thoughts for days are these words I’ve not associated with the other: appetite, desire, self-control. Appetite is itself a desire for something. Consider this, the same appetite governs the physical and the emotional life of a person. Without self control an unchecked desire will rule and have dominion over you.

Ask Olga… Olga has a hefty appetite for food. Everyone around Olga accommodates her appetite and even stands in awe of her ability to eat so much. Only her very close friends pull her aside after she has thrown down before a large gathering and give her words of caution. Olga shrugs it off and considers her next conquest since her appetite is not yet satisfied. Who is in charge here? A better question is, what is behind this appetite? Answer that and fad dieting will be a thing of the past.

An appetite for food is readily understood, but what about an appetite for attention? Consider an appetite for winning that causes your worst side to surface until you blush with embarrassment after the win. What about an appetite for sexual pleasure that drives you further than biblical boundaries? Appetites are driven by desires and desires can be motivate by a need to compensate for a lack. Whatever the lack, the fruit of the Spirit, self-control is the power we have to keep ungodly appetites in check.

Self-control is the power you and I have to be the boss of our appetites. If you’re not in control, who is?

Story Time…

Tashi notices that the new guy in the office is showing an exceptional amount of attention to Alicia, who is not as attractive and charming as she is. Tashi ponders why Alicia. She must up her game. While she considers how to become more visible to “new boy,” Tashi has not even considered if she likes him. That’s not her objective. She is after getting her usual gratification from being desired. Tashi studies him and strikes, the young man is flattered and lights up with excitement about Tashi, who cares nothing for him but enjoys the victory.

Hidden beneath our unchecked appetite is a desire, which may be motivated by an unspoken need, whether this need was formed by trauma or lack, it exists. At times we are so out of touch with ourselves that we don’t realize that we have formed a personality around a defect.

So what do we do?

• Identify the appetite
• Note the desire that’s running with the appetite
• Prayerfully seek to find its root cause
• Repent
• Ask GOD for a greater grace to walk in self control

Failure to deal with ungodly appetite in one area of your life can spill over in other areas of life.

Wife Material: Case, Tania: 9781790533619: Amazon.com: Books

Please feel free to comment and let’s talk this through. Thanks for stopping by.

Has there ever been a time when we were more conscious of ourselves? Naturally, we are born selfish, but usually after understanding that you have to share your milk-truck mom with the next child that comes home from the hospital, slowly the message begins to dawn. Of course, we still go on to call everything we see “mine!” Life however, never gets tired of teaching the same lesson at another level of intensity as we mature. Still, we want what we want when we want it and the precise way we want it, or we throw adult tantrums affectionately called “melt downs.” These are fueled by a rigid personal theology that gives no room for anything but the best case scenario. All right, you’re not like that! You’re much more reasonable and tempered. Share this blog with those you know need a nudge.

Could I be like that?

“All the Single Ladies,” yes you my girls, please beware of this one thing that you are likely disposed to. Selfishness love to partner with single people. I know! As if you don’t have enough to deal with! Don’t take it to heart. Please listen. I have your back. The reason singles are predisposed to selfishness is because you often have yourself as the one you have to please, unless you live with family and actually taken on responsibility for others. When we have a culture that says “Just do you.” How can I blame you! Putting blame aside, if marriage has an allergy it’s called ‘selfishness.’ That’s why I want you to begin freeing yourself of your me-ology theology.

Singleness and Selfishness

Me-ology is the study of ‘self.’ Consider how much you do for self and how much you consider how self is treated and how ‘self’ feels. Marriage is the exact opposite. It is the coming together of two who are choosing to become one force. In this process there is yielding and conforming for the purpose of unity – Unity as in a single unit. How pliable are you in having someone else share your life, your space…. and even your bathroom! Come on, we are preparing for marriage, aren’t we?

Let’s say you have that figured out, how about your ‘me-alistic’ ways of dealing with conflicts within relationships. You might not feel like talking to the offender until you’re good and ready. Or maybe you just unleash the full brunt of your displeasure factoring in a clean up plan afterwards. There are some of us who scream at the top of our lungs silently and just tolerate until…

“It looks like it. Is it? I’ve prayed for this and waited patiently and impatiently. I thought I knew how it would come and the way it would be presented. Still, this thing does have every element of what I have prayed for, but this is just not how I would imagine GOD delivering this answer. Now that I’m looking closer, the package is a little uncertain. Maybe I asked for the wrong thing…I’m not sure about this.”

Have you ever had your prayers answered and all of a sudden feel threatened by it? You may begin negotiating its relevance, which clearly indicates that while you were waiting for the answer you had no plan for its arrival. It could be that you only interfaced with it in your imagination and when it shows up it threatens your reality. Guess what, you’re either not prepared for it or you’re afraid. Why? You know you can really mess it up! Often times it feels like you are not the one in control and that makes you feel quite uncomfortable.

Yes, you have to let go and receive what GOD has for you even if it’s not a mirror image of what you had in mind. Receive by faith. So if those feelings come to tell you how you will certainly wreck this, talk to Father GOD and allow Him to realign your quivering heart.

If the answer has not yet patted your shoulder, be real about welcoming the answer and prepare yourself.

• 

“The fight against besetting sins.”

JESUS, our Superhero through His marvelous work of grace has conquered sin for us! This is a ginormous victory! Now…we must enact the victory. Hence, the phrase “we fight from victory not for victory.”

However, we have a role to play in possessing our possessions. It’s a violent role. This is why I say Christianity is not for whimps and whiners – though all are welcomed.

“And from the days of John the Baptist until now the kingdom of heaven suffereth violence, and the violent take it by force.” (Mt 11:12) This is not a call to passivity. Everyone of us must wage war against besetting sins. You know those nagging reoccuring decimals that you thought you saw the last of…but here we go again! Ugh!!!

Let’s look at the meaning of Beset– to surround with hostile intent, to set upon, attack, assault on all sides. The example given is that of a fox surrounded by hounds.

If you saw yourself surrounded by your hateful enemies growling for you to give in when you are tempted by that sin, you may act differently! You’re in a war! I’m sure we’d see the most violent you! Well here is this sin surrounding you and threatening your identity in Christ, threatening to reduce you to shame, and breathing out lies. It wants to kill, steal and destroy your life.  What do you do?

Attack!!!

You attack with the sword of the Spirit, which is the Word of GOD! Eph 6: 17. How? Identify scriptures that speaks to the issue and to your true identity.

Separate the issue from yourself! It’s not you! Instead, its a slave driver seeking mastery over you. Like God counselled Cain,
“If you do well, will not your countenance be lifted up? And if you do not do well, sin is crouching at the door; and its desire is for you, but you must master it.”Gen 4:7NASB

Will you be mastered?

Pray violently when it arises..It’s an enemy! Understand that GOD does not condemn you but is for you. Note: He crushes our enemies under our feet, not His. Rm 16:20 HE is the one who gave us power over every power. Lk 10:19

Affirm that this sin is not in keeping with your new nature in Christ so you oppose it forcefully.” Resist the devil and he will flee.” Jm 4:7 Remember you are surrounded, so striking force has to be maximized with several types of weapons.

“Call on the Name of the LORD! Those who call on the Name of the Lord shall be saved” “…the Name of the LORD is a strong tower. The righteous runs in and are safe.”

Fast….The sin maybe one that JESUS described as “this kind.”Fasting gives strength to your spirit man and allow your spirit to dominate. Isolate the besetting in fasting and prayer and watch it disintegrate. Mind you some targets need multiple strikes. Don’t let up.

Declare…You have known to control your tongue because you know the power it carries. Use that same tongue loaded with the Word to declare your destiny. “Sin shall not have dominion over me.” “I whip my body and make it my slave.”

Never stop striking until it’s dead. For you are “more than conqueror through Christ who strengthens you.” Rm 8:37

Mediate and memorize Rm 8:31-39. Actually do it since you’re fighting like you mean it!