We all love the sparkle and mystery of love.  It’s the sheer excitement at the possibility that he could be the one.  Even vicariously we enjoy the emotional rush from the so-predictable Hallmark movie.  Somewhere in our thoughts we imagine being treasured, loved passionately and known by someone we can trust into the curves and crevices of our souls.  

Still, our reality may look more like a messy farmyard in comparison to the rose-scented romantic scenes.  Year after year, you’re asked, “So when are you going to settle down and get married?” Don’t trip over those familiar interrogative conversations. Until I do…there are many absolutely necessary things for you to do.  After all, you should get marry with your eyes on forever, even in a divorce-riddled world.  So, before meeting Mr. Right, it’s time to become Ms. Right.  You’re looking forward to marrying someone of sound character, emotionally healthy and strong enough to handle life’s curve-balls. 

(Gen 2:24 KJV)  This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.

It is a thing of beauty when two whole persons choose to become one in marriage.  However, it is another thing when broken persons enter marriage to find their salvation and have their needs met therein.  So… Until I do…the work begins on becoming whole through confronting the unresolved issues of the heart.  Some of these issues may need to be talked through with a friend/counselor or prayed through with a sincere heart, but a confrontation is needed.  Barring this confrontation, these issues cross the threshold of marriage and could one day impact your children.  Until I do…promise to start the process of dealing with you!

As a guest speaker at a singles event, I was excited to get into my message.  Just before my message I asked the predominantly female crowd, “How many of you want to be married?” For a moment I was confused and wondered if I had mixed up my engagements.  “These are single people right?” Again I asked and…slowly a few hands went up. As I engaged these beautiful people that night, I realized that many were simply embarrassed to admit that they wanted to be married. 

Hmmmnn….looks like a crafty ploy. It’s as crazy as saying, “You want to be married? You should be ashamed of yourself!!!!” At this point the guards rush in and usher you to the gallows.

Why is this shame even being cast on singles to suffocate their dream of doing the most common command GOD gave man – “be fruitful and multiply.” There’s a mission afoot to twist the truth and erode expectations. But…You’re not partnering with that lie nor the one that tells you you’re too old? Ironically, people are proud of the most obnoxious behaviors and desires. What about marriage could possible fall in that category? Speak and embarrass the lie.  “Marriage is a good thing and I’m pleased to have my portion!”

You’ll eat the fruit of your lips. 
From the fruit of their lips people enjoy good things, but the unfaithful have an appetite for violence. Prov 13:2 (NIV)  

Could it be though that singles are also embarrassed because they feel vulnerable when admitting their availability? Is it such a hidden tender secret, which if it gets out it may ruin one’s social life? 

I provoke you to put marriage on your lips. 

Story time:  I was always talking about my husband with my good friends, describing the kind of man he would be.  One day my married friend got tired of me. “Why are you always talking and praying about your husband? Don’t you think I prayed for mine, and look at what I ended up with!”  You would expect me to end the conversation there, seeing that my friend was clearly angry.  In ignorant innocence I asked, “Jill, did GOD give him to you or did you take him?”  I didn’t have a friend for a few days.  Eventually, she called and apologized.  I was surprised, thinking I had blown it.  She then admitted that she help herself to a husband at a vulnerable time in her life.  She had walked away from GOD and got into a relationship with this man.  I appreciated her honesty.  If I hadn’t known better, I  could have re-calibrated my faith, thinking GOD doesn’t care for those details, but HE cares.  The details I speak of are related to his character. I repeatedly tell my husband that I formed him in prayer. Give GOD something to work on. Put marriage on your lips!

“There’s the one who gets all the attention around here. She seems to be constantly on happy pills.  How else could she maintain this effervescent personality?  It’s apparent that she thinks too much of herself, though.  As a matter of fact, her laughter has a slight edge of superficiality.  She seems to have everybody fooled.  Faithfully she wears that look of self-confidence overdose.  She must be thinking that her disarming kindness will work on everyone.”

“If she would pull back and save some for later, she would be more tolerable.  She’s not at all like me, reserved and cautiously trusting.  I’ve seen the response she gets from a few persons who are equally not amused with her and she still continues her act.  I would never allow myself to be vulnerable like that.  These people could create a road through her with one stare, but she does not care.  She’s too happy to notice.  Poor, stupid girl!” 

“Still… I wonder what it would be like to be as free as she is.  Free, and never fearing.  It’s as if she daily dares everyone, saying “This is who I am, take it or leave it.” It matters not to her. She loves herself publicly.  Don’t get me wrong, I know I’ve got more going for me than she does…but….”

You and I live our lives from the platform of our hearts. Every issue in our hearts has its expression in our lives. How we act, react, plan, make decisions…our passions all have a common origin…our heart.

“As a man thinks in his heart so is he.” Prov 23:7

So every issue is a heart issue.  The marriage you are going to have has already been programmed into your heart.  Isn’t that scary? Your heart is the seat of your belief system. 

“Guard your heart for out of it flows the issues of life.” (Prov 4:23) 

How we handle conflict is programmed.  The conditions under which we forgive is programmed.  How love is to be shown to us is programmed.

God allows our everyday relationships to smooth our rough edges “Until I do.”

Years before marriage, I was adamant that I would not submit to any man…after all why should I have to? Submit meant allowing someone to rule over and control me. That was absolutely not going to happen!  I didn’t have any serious relationships to express this strong position I held.

Thank God I didn’t!!  It would have been catastrophic.  Raised by a single mom, as the last of six, I was taught independence.  My brother-in-law and only male mentor spent hours trying to soften me up to the concept.  In my heart I held on to how overpowering, dominating and disappointing male figures were growing up. Why then would saunter down the isle, arm raised saying “I do” to that? 

In my heart was a fear that only love could conquer.  My brother-in-law modeled this love in a most irrefutable way.  He loved my sister and honored her day in day out.  I had to admit that submission was not looking so dreadful.  He took the time to teach me that submission in marriage was as the love between Christ and his bride the Church – the very Church He died for.  In addition, man was given the mandate to lay down his life for his wife.  When I learnt more about submission, I had no problem submitting to love. 

Do you see how my heart’s position would have impacted my marriage had I not changed my mind? 

“Until I do”…see about evicting some squatters from your precious heart.

Thanks for joining me!

Good company in a journey makes the way seem shorter. — Izaak Walton