singles

“Who Has Bewitched You?”

Are you ready for my raspberry and garlic sticky chicken? I’m just going to drop the wings in the bowl and coat them just right! Mmmuah! Yummeeee!”

Mrs. Lueth loves the kitchen almost as much as she loves having young adults over for Bible Study.  When you put the two together, like they are tonight, you get one happy woman.

“When I was young like you lot, I didn’t have time to be bored. I was busy planning the next young  adult lyme.  Come now, on the balcony all of you!”  Her balcony was like a big open room under the stars.  Efraim, Jonathon and Abe helped to carry out more chairs for the almost 30 young adults who were attending another one of Auntie Lue’s events.  Jala was preoccupied with who was coming to the gate as Aunty Lue raised a song to get everyone settled. 

“Where is Chari?” Abe asked Jala.

“That’s what I am wondering.  I was going to swing by her after work before coming here but she told me to go on and she’d meet me here,” added Jala.

“Odd, she’s usually in the kitchen with Auntie Lue preparing before the event.”

“I’m not getting her on her phone either and that’s not like her.”

“Well, she knows we are here and it’s not too far from her house either,” reassured Abe returning to the group.

The Bible Study was about the purpose of a renewed mind according to Roman 12 and the discussion was open and honest, though challenging for some.

As Mrs. Lueth riveted the truth, “Unless you are intimate with the Word, the Bible, you will not know His perfect will.  His will is His Word! Besides, when you read this Word, you should ask the Holy Spirit to illuminate what He is saying to you, so you can grow in relationship with God,” she summed.

Jala was distracted all night waiting to hear from Chari.  It wasn’t until she got home that she saw a shallow message on her phone.

“Sorry, I couldn’t make it.  I got caught up!”

Jala was even more disturbed and wondered how her friend could waste her evening and blow it off with such a flimsy excuse.

She couldn’t wait to call her in the morning.

As the phone rang, Jala quickly answered and told her friend, “Before you get mad! I have such exciting news!”

“Hello?” Jala said cautiously.

“Jala, you know how I’ve been wanting to launch my magazine ‘Vibe,’ I’m going to do it! Like, in three months! I’m so excited!”

“O-K?  What happened? Is that why you didn’t show up last night?”

“Yes and No!  So, I’ve met these wonderful people who are all in business and they help each other build their businesses.  Trust me, I’ve brainstormed with them concerning Vibe and woooo!  It’s an entire vibe! They are super brilliant and well-established young entrepreneurs  and you won’t believe this…they are Christians!”

“No way!”

“You’ve got to meet them.  I told them about you and the guys and they are excited to meet you all!

“I’m excited to meet them too!”chimed Jala.

For the next couple of weeks Jala saw less and less of Chari, as the appropriate meet-up time with her new business Christian friends became more elusive.  Even the guys noticed that Chari was not present at benevolence but Jala was doing everything to keep the operation on par.

Efraim and Abe insisted that after benevolence this Friday, they were taking Jala out to her favourite French café.  As she closed up, she tried to dissuade the fellows.  Jala wanted to feel low all by herself, but the guys were not allowing it.

“Let’s go, let’s go, let’s go! harped Efraim as Abe took her handbag.

“I think it fits me, it brings out the blue in my eyes.” Abe modeled his way down the hall, while Efraim laughed and dragged Jala along.

“C’mon, cheer up. Chari isn’t gone anywhere.  We all have other friends and our friendship still survives.”

“I know that…you guys, but Chari is like a different person now.  She doesn’t return my calls and when she does it’s bla la la…about them!  ‘Oh, you’ve got to meet Todd and Mishka’ she mimicked.”

“You’re not jealous though?  I know you feel bad but…she is about to launch her magazine and we know that she has been waiting for this from forever.  If they can help her, why not?” reasoned Abe.

“Abraham, do you not know how far we have come from with these dreams? Of course, I know that!  The truth is that I am happy for my friend but something just doesn’t feel right.”

Efraim opened Jala’s car door explaining, “If you ask me, I’d say she still needs our support and we have to be there for her.  So, if that means showing up where we’re not invited…

“Speaking of not invited!” Abe interrupted. “Isn’t that Chari?”

As the three took their seats near the sidewalk, they could see a large party of people celebrating inside the café.  There was Chari, obviously the center of the celebration.  Jala sunk in her seat and covered her face with the menu.  Abe popped up and exclaimed. “We finally get to meet them!”

“No way! I’m not going!”

The two guys headed inside and Jala was torn.  She definitely doesn’t want to go in but it looked really childish to sit outside and ignore her friend.

“Ok, fine!”

Chari screamed with her hands over her mouth as she saw them coming.

“These are my friends, guys! Abe, Efraim and Jala!

“Wow, we heard a lot about you all,” greeted a mature lady in the group.

 The group consisted of mostly young professionals who politely greeted the three before resuming their evening activities.

Jala returned to her table with a question mark on her face. Before she could get out a word, Efraim started.

“Not a word Jala. I get it, ”said Efraim.

“You get it? That makes one of us.  I saw a guy who I have known for years, but he greeted me as if he was meeting me for the very first time.

Something is weird up in there!” added Abe.

“Well you know what I’m about to say…not I told you so, but we need to pray!  Though I was so distracted at Auntie Lue’s Bible study, it hit me that the Word of God helps to grow my discernment.  I’ve been troubled and I judged my motive.  Is there any jealousy in me? Now I know that God was calling my attention to something that has been off with my friend.  These people say they are Christians but something is not adding up.  We’re hitting a fast guys.”

“I noticed that a few of them had on a symbol on their chains.”

“Ok, Efraim, draw the symbol and let me google it,” said Abe. Efraim started doodling on his napkin and Abe took a picture.

Before long the guys had found the society associated with the symbol and the gravity of Chari’s situation was magnified.

Abe and Efraim considered physically going for her but Jala’s wisdom overruled that decision. 

“We cannot fight a spiritual battle by physical means!”

“Why doesn’t she see it?”

No one had an appetite after their discovery.

For the next three days the friends fasted and prayed, meeting in the wee hours of the morning to pray for Chari. 

The Friday night before the launch of Vibe Magazine, the three friends were serving in benevolence ministry when Abe’s phone rang.

“Please come and get me!”

“Come guys let’s go. It’s Chari!” 

As they hurried down the hall they nearly bumped into Auntie Lue.

“Why the hurry?”

“It’s Chari!”

“I’m coming!” 

Jala had filled her in concerning Chari’s new company of friends and their discovery about the society.

When Abe pulled up alongside the building Chari told him she was in, he could see her working her way down the external staircase in a hurry.  He hopped out the car and opened the door for her to enter.  As soon as Chari was inside the vehicle, she gasped and let out a holler.  Jala and Auntie Lue hugged her, being patient for her to share when she got to it.

“Why? Why can’t I get a break? Why?”

Abe drove hard and fast since he did not know what the back story was.

Before long they were back at church in the internal courtyard.  Afterward, Chari calmed down, she shared how they were constantly quoting the Bible so she thought they were all Christians. She explained that she was repeatedly baited with success and complimented on how special she was in impacting this world.

 They told her she did not have time for friends at a certain level since God wanted her to grow and be about his business.  Chari said she felt uncomfortable at times but she was seeking to be diligent in doing the groundwork needed to launch the magazine company. 

At the last meeting, they asked her to make a higher level of commitment to ensure that they could also commit to back the magazine company.  They explained that they would be her church now and that their members were from varying religious backgrounds and orientations and should be accepted as she wanted to be accepted. Chari explained how she began asking questions that got the leader angry.  She was to have a commitment service tonight but after raising a plethora of concerns the members began giving her the cold shoulder and she was given an ultimatum. She could enjoy a failure-proof magazine company or be cut off from them and continue feeling stuck in her career.

Auntie Lue and the friends formed a circle around Chari and began praying fervently. Chari coughed incessantly until she was lying on the ground like a wet rag.  Auntie Lue led her in prayers of repentance and prayed fierce protective prayers over her as her friends agreed.  Without realizing it, they had prayed until after 1 am.  Though Chari felt too weak to walk, her mind was clear and joy and peace were hers again.  This was supposed to be the day of the magazine launch but she had refused to be in covenant with darkness.

Since Chari’s involvement with the business group she had nightmares night after night about being married.  As she approached the altar the scene would become ugly and the beauty of the place gave way to darkness with eerie creatures scampering about.  Finally, she could sleep in peace and continue her faithful steps toward one day owning her magazine company.

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Jala was almost finished helping Mrs Lueth prepare for all the young adults who were coming over for fun and fellowship that Saturday afternoon. Mrs. Lueth’s house was big enough to accommodate several groups of young adults at the same time and she enjoyed having them over. Jala could hear Mrs. Lueth calling her softly as she finished cleaning off the kitchen countertop.

Jala sank into one of the plush brown outdoor chairs on the balcony, suspicious of what might be coming next.

“Auntie Lu, what’s going on?”

“Something’s been on my mind recently since you introduced me to that young man.”

“Oh dear!” Jala let out a sigh as she cuddled one on the cushions placing one hand under chin. “Do we really have to talk about Ephraim?”

“Aaah… we don’t have to talk about Ephraim, but we do have to talk about you. I’ve been praying for you, asking GOD what’s happening? Jala…You are in a series of reaction. I only wonder if you can see what you’re reacting to.”

Jala felt something in the pit of her stomach. This conversation has gone so deep so fast. She knew she could not be surface her answers to Mrs. Lueth. She was motherly with a dark chocolate complexion and pleasingly plump, with deep dimples that created apostrophes around her smile.

“Auntie, I don’t want to go back to where I’m coming from.” The tears started welling up in Jala’s eyes but Auntie Lue was not letting up. Her gentle countenance was most disarming, backed by her evident love. She folded Jala into a side hug which softly communicated that there was no getting away.

“You’re in quite a fight Jala. I see you waging a war against what started on the inside of you. When you end the war inside you’ll end the war outside.”

“These people hurt me! They dragged my name through the mud. Hardly any ever asked me to my face what happened. People I trusted spread lies about me and him. I’m still so embarrassed. I genuinely thought Jonathan loved me and was interested in being married to me. We got prophesies, Auntie!”

Jala was breaking and tears were flowing from her broken heart as she struggled to control her usually well guarded emotions.

“People said I slept with him! Oh my goodness Auntie. I felt like a church floozy! Me…a virgin!”

“It’s ok precious. It’s ok!” Auntie held her the more but Jala heaved until they were both on the tiled floor.

“Just let it out.”

“I never talked about it! I felt too ashamed. I messed up! I went too far with him. I could hardly talk to God after my repeated offence. Again I felt ashamed. Auntie….only to find out I was just one of the girls he was with in the church?

Her mouth opened with no words or sound, just tears. All this time Jala toughened up and blamed herself for being this foolish.

Auntie moaned alongside Jala like a midwife helping her to give birth.

“Let it out,” she comforted.

“It wasn’t even a month later he was engaged! I looked like I was trying break up their union…Auntie I wanted answers! Why did he choose me to make a fool of and why didn’t I see? How did I miss God?”

After many tears and snot, Mrs Lueth prayed her red hot fiery prayer for Jala, who was like a soaked handkerchief.

“You must forgive yourself Jala. You’ve repented for you part. Receive God’s forgiveness and freely give forgiveness to those who hurt you. The more you hold on to the pain, the less able you are to move forward. Your healing has started.”

Mrs. Lueth wiped her face.” Jala, remember that Ephraim was not there. He should not be punished for what others did.

“I knew that in my head. I felt I could not allow him to think for a moment that I was interested in him. I realized that I really enjoy his friendship once there was no threat of a relationship or others thinking there was.

Mrs. Lueth could hear the cars pulling into the cul de sac and got up to remotely open the gates from the balcony so that the early birds could park in the yard.

Walking back to Jala she added, “Don’t waste your energy trying to get people not to talk about you. My mother once told me, ‘Live free and let people be.'”

Jala quickly got off the floor, to fix up before everyone was inside the house. “Thank you Aunty Lue. I feel so light. Yes, and free!”

As soon as she disappeared in the bathroom, Chari’s loud voice filled the house.

“Auntie Lue, I smell something good!”

Abe and Ephraim followed behind carrying all the bags Chari gave them to take in the house.

“Hello my children,” Auntie did a dance coming down the stairs. She greeted them one by one and made effort to especially welcome Ephraim.

“Where’s Jala, Aunt?”

It’s been a hectic morning. She’s gone to shower.”

“So Ephraim I hear that you go to the Baptist Church not far from us.”

“Yes, mam,” answered Ephraim trying not to appear awkward while fighting the memory of his first introduction to Aunty Lue.

The three sat around the island in the kitchen, while Auntie Lue plastic wrapped the trays of food and chatted about her friends at the Baptist Church that Ephraim attends.

The bell rang again as Jala came into the kitchen greeting everyone and she grabbed the remote to open up from the balcony.

“Can I help you with anything,” asked Ephraim.

“Great, thank you. Ephraim, you take the igloo out to the balcony, Abe you get the ice from the deep freezer and Chari you come with me.”

As Ephraim headed to the balcony he hesitated as if he wanted to make a u-turn.

“Fraim, sang Jala, I’m so glad you came.”

“Really, cause I don’t want to embarrass you anymore.”

“You don’t embarrass me, but I’m embarrassed about my behaviour toward you. Could we please start over?

Jala extended her hand for a handshake.

“Nope,” Ephraim turned his back.

“But we can pick up from the where we left off in benevolence.”

Jala slowly breathed a sigh of relief, quickly shaking Ephraim’s hand.

“Friends,” they both agreed.

Auntie Lue glanced at them and gave out a “Thank you Jesus!”

Chari and Abe were just in time to create a huddle and a strong bond was formed.

Hey, we’re not done. More Church Girl Series coming. Tell us if you can relate these characters and scenarios. Jot us a line and be sure to share the story with friends. Thanks in advance!

For the past three months Ephraim worked assiduously setting in place the cupboard and shelves in the benevolence room, while Jala put her finishing touch on the space to make it warmer and more welcoming.  Looking around the large room she could see her goal of serving the poor with honor becoming a reality.  When she remembered what the benevolence ministry once looked like and what it is now, she felt a sense of accomplishment.  Her goal now is to get people serving in the ministry who share her heart for the poor.

It was easy for her to work with Ephraim after getting over the night of the explosion and the gossip that followed.  He understood what she wanted to accomplish in preserving people’s dignity while lending a helping hand.  He installed cupboards to store barrels of food in the most discreet ways, while creating partitions in the room.  Jala’s friend, Abe, shouldered up the responsibility of helping the men who came for benevolence, find jobs, by liaising with companies in the area. Jala had a way of prompting people to use their passion toward their purpose.  Abe had a serious problem giving to men who did not work or try to find a job.  He had his scripture verses to back it and would faithfully quote 2 Thes 3:10 If a man will not work, he shall not eat!

It was Friday evening and all the friends had gathered in the benevolence room chatting away.  Chari made her usual larger than life entrance with finger foods and drinks.

“Celebration, everyone!”

“Welcome, welcome Chari, the bearer of good food!” chimed Abe.

“What exactly are we celebrating,” asked Jala, confused.

“We are celebrating, silly, the completion and opening of the new benevolence room!”

“You’re right Chari.  We should celebrate!”

Abe wasted no time cranking up the music.

“Oh, by the way, Pastor Pruitt said to tell you that he will be dedicating it during second service on Sunday.  So, you know that all of us will have to be there.  He will be calling on us.”

“All of us?” queried Jala.  “Ephraim that’s your church time.”

Jala had mixed feeling about his attending even though the four of them had bonded together so much as they worked on the ministry. She was afraid of another round of gossip.

After being called to the front of the church and applauded for their work in benevolence, everyone came to greet them after church.

Mrs. Lueth, who had been like a mentor to Jala and a safe place for many young adults at the church, asked “Is this the Ephraim I have been hearing about?”

“I’m not sure Miss, but it’s a pleasure to meet you.” He reached out his hand with a grin and shook hers.

“Ephraim? No.  He just did carpentry work for us in benevolence. That’s all!”

Jala quickly looked at Ephraim, whose expression was immediately one of displeasure.

Many crowded around the benevolence area to see the changes, while Chari tried her best to recruit persons for the ministry.  Abe entered their information into his laptop as Chari brought them in.  Soon, Jala noticed Ephraim heading through the door. 

“Ephraim! You’re leaving?”

“Yes, I guess my job is done here.”

Both Chari and Abe joined them.

“Fraim, we’re meeting up over Jala’s house after this.  You’re coming, right?

“Aaaah, I’m not sure.”

Abe realized that something was wrong and pulled Ephraim aside to talk to him.

Jala knew she had finally offended Ephraim enough to get a reaction out of him.

As soon as Ephraim entered Jala’s apartment, he was like a pipe turn on.

“Listen, I don’t know how you all do Christianity, but it could be because I’m the youngest Christian among us.  I kinda thought others mattered and that everyone was someone. I’ve chucked a lot of things up to growing in GOD but I’m frankly tired.  It took everything for me to come here.”

“Wait, wait, wait man. What happen? I knew something went wrong at church but what happened?”

“I don’t know where to start. I guess there are many strikes against me and this friendship.  I’m trying to figure it out! I’m a new Christian.  I’m from another Church.  I’m the handyman!  All these factors put together make me “just the guy who worked in benevolence!” Should I be ashamed to be a carpenter or am I just out of your league?

“Wow! Oh my goodness! Ephraim we are all friends!  None of those things matter,” said Chari.  She looked at her dear friend Jala and saw guilt all over her face.

Ephraim continued, “No, I was so excited to see people my age living their Christianity and selflessly pouring into the lives of the poor, so I thought I had found my place.  Somehow, I keep feeling like I’m an embarrassment just for existing.  First, I tried to help Jala come out of the dark building when she hurt her ankle and she was ashamed that I did so. Confusing! After that I was treated weird, and at a distance for some time, and just when I feel like I’m making friends, this morning she introduced me to her mentor as an insignificant handy boy. No, you didn’t call me that…but that’s what it felt like. I’m sorry! I can’t do this!

Ephraim headed to the door.  Abe ran in front of him blocking the door with his 6 ft 4 frame. 

“Fraim, give us a chance to talk this out.  We heard you and we understand where you’re coming from.

Finally, feeling forced to speak and yet afraid Jala spoke up.

“I’m sorry Ephraim.” She could hardly look him in the face. “It’s not your fault and the truth is that you don’t deserve any of this.  I just have some issue to deal with and ever since you came around, they’ve been surfacing one after the other.”     

“So, what is it, Jala?”

I can’t say right now, but it has absolutely nothing to do with you. Please forgive me.”

“Let’s eat guys,” said Chari, breathing a sigh of relief and quickly setting everything at the table to make everyone comfortable.

She walked into the kitchen and motioned for Jala to join her. As soon as she was close enough, she whispered, “I told you you’ve got to get some counselling!”

Wouldn’t you agree that Jala has some deep seated issues to confront? Stick with us for all the upcoming confrontations.

We crave your feedback and would love to hear what you’d like to say to these characters.

After many days of clearing out the benevolence room, with very little help, Jala could see her vision materializing.  She had a passion for the poor and devoted every evening after work for the past month, to revamping the room. 

Her vision was to ‘help with honor’ way beyond just giving the poor a few food items.  She finally had the approval for the construction of a small office within the large benevolence room.  Jala removed the dark curtains that blocked the sunlight and brought in a few sheer panels she had convinced her friend Chari she did not need.  Chari was used to Jala pulling her into the benevolence Ministry to help at a moment’s notice.

In benevolence ministry, she had latitude and could avoid being upfront, yet serve the people she was passionate about.  Chari often tells her that she hides in benevolence to avoid interaction with majority of the church.

This was Jala’s passion!

“Jala, you’re back there?”

Jala could hear a coarse male voice calling her as it drew closer to the benevolence room.  It was Pastor Pruitt, who played a major role in Jala becoming a Christian. 

“I’ve got some help for you! Where do you want the cupboards and the shelves?

“Pleasant evening Pastor Pruit,” said Jala as Pastor Pruitt steps aside.

“This is the help I brought you.  Meet Ephraim who will be doing the cupboards and shelves for the room.  Please tell him where everything goes.

“Oh Hello, Ephrem, E-phraaim?”

“That’s okay. I’ve heard it all.  I’ve even had someone spell my name starting with an ‘F’ for Ephraim.

Jala laughed and ushered him into the room.

“I don’t know what my mom was thinking.  If she wanted a Bible name, why not David?”

  “Follow me, David!”

They both laughed.  Jala explained the new layout and Ephraim wasted no time measuring up the space.

As Ephraim worked, he and Jala chatted away as if they had known each other for years.

“So, what is this church like, and how long have you been a Christian?”

“Wow! That’s a lot of questions…let’s see…vibrant church, not without issues and 5 years.”

Stopping to process what Jala said, he added, “That works.”

“You might consider me a baby Christian, but I’m excited about my new life.  I got saved at a church not far from here about a year ago.”

Jala was standing on her desk trying to hang a few frames, while Ephraim continued measuring outside the office.

The light flickered…

“Did you see that?

“I’m glad you did,” replied Jala.

Soon there was an explosion and the electricity was out.  Hardly any light came through the window now.

Jala, frighten, tried making her way off her desk and twisted her ankle in panic.

“Ephraim!”

“I’m here… I’m here.  Are you alright?”

Ephraim pulled out his phone flashlight and found Jala trying to get off the floor.  She was embarrassed.  Jala hated to admit her need for help to a complete stranger, no matter how kind he appeared.

“Did you fall?”

“No,” she snapped.  By this her ankle was pounding and painful.  The tears were rolling down her cheeks and she was grateful for the darkness.

“How embarrassing,” she thought.

Realizing that Jala could hardly walk Ephraim offered to help.  She reluctantly laid her pride aside and held on to David, hopping out of the room.

“What was that?” 

Ephraim understood that the bubbly personality he met only hours ago was now very uncomfortable. He shifted the attention to the incident at hand as they walked down the hallway.

Upon approaching the exit door, they could see lights.  There were lights of fire trucks, ambulances and a fire at the gas station across the road.

A crowd had gathered outside the church, as many prayed for those who were being placed in ambulances.

Jala realized that her pride being hurt was insignificant to the dire situation before them.

“Jala we had forgotten about you and Ephraim around the back,” said Pastor Pruitt.  “Are you okay?”  

By this Jala was standing on her left leg, while Ephraim braced her from the side. 

As soon as Pastor Pruitt asked the question all eyes gazed puzzlingly to Jala and Ephraim.  Jala knew what that meant. She could only imagine their conversations and thoughts.

“Didn’t she just meet him?”

“What’s his arm doing around her?

“They wasted no time.”

“Is he even saved?”

Again… Jala felt a covering of embarrassment.  It was what she wanted to avoid the most…giving church people something to talk about.  Her swollen right ankle left her no option.  She had to take the help and risk being falsely accused.  It only got worse when she got in her car and Ephraim drove her home.

Jala had a few things to say to GOD. 

“God how could you do this! You know I have maintained a clean reputation. I’ve stay away from unfruitful relationships and things that fuel gossip.  Now I seem to be caught up with a man I know nothing about…a baby Christian at that.  The poor thing has no idea what he just stepped into.  I will have to live this down. Why, me? I hope this guy doesn’t get any ideas in his head.”

Follow us on the next blog to find out how the guarded Jala handles the unwanted attention from her church family and poor Ephraim.

There are some inexplicable features in a person’s character that distinguishes them from others.  It draws you in and makes them miss-able upon their departure.  Something in you is magnetized to them and you come alive! But is a strong relationship much more than an attraction on various levels?

Many things that we like about people can change with the arrival of new circumstances and before long you are introduced to a brand-new person.  Or is it?  We’ve all heard of marriages that were dissolved because a person ‘changed.’ It could be that the person never did change but simply let down his/her guard.

Character -.

the mental and moral qualities distinctive to an individual

Oxford Language

What makes a person truly beautiful is their consistency of character.  Character is found at the very core of a person.  It’s what determines what they would sacrifice for and find great delight to do, even though the benefit to them may seem miniscule. 

As a person engages in a relationship that has marriage as its end game, this notable personal feature must be prioritized. 

You might say that’s hard.  How do you know someone’s character? 

The truth is that there is a myriad of activities in our world that can make a person look like “the one.”  For example, romantic acts that he reads out of a play book or duplicated from a friend. It is wonderful that he made the effort to woo you, but the act is not the character. 

Character Detecting

There are some tell tale signs of a person’s character.  Let’s start with a big one – Money.  It’s not how much he/she makes.  It’s how he/she spends it.  “For where your treasure is there your heart is also.” Mat 6:21 Your use of money tells what you prioritize and what you value.

How you spend your Time does the same, along with displaying the order you keep or maintain in your life.

How you use your Words will eventually reveal your heart.  “Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks.” Mat 12:34

How you handle Disappointments or Pressure, great or small, indicate your heart posture and mindset.

How much he/she Sacrifices for you and the relationship, reveals its value to him/her.

These are heavy enough clues to help you identify the character of persons before investing of yourself deeply into a relationship.

Character makes a man who made a promise to a child, go out of his way to fulfill his word. Character makes a woman carve out time to visit with her aged parent, while resisting all the other seemingly greater demands. Character makes a person prioritize tithing, serving and fulfilling commitments in Church. Character makes a man whose testosterones are urging him to go further sexually, seek to protect the woman he’s with and honor the God he serves. Telltale signs of true character are all over your relationships.

Are you seeing enough character to persuade you that he/she is the one?

Visit taniacase.com to further learn how to build strong Kingdom relationships.

Meeting that someone, who is much more than all the other “someones” and feeling like this is home, is priceless!

There is a peace that tells you it’s safe to proceed. 

You’re getting to know each other and learning the nuances of relating to each other.  Some days you can see the future as plain as ever, while others you wonder if you can live with this imperfect human.   How dare him not be made in the image and the likeness of the man that you constructed in your head!

After all, that man is perfect!

Still, this relationship is causing you to get over your more blatant “Meology theology.”  You know the realization that the whole world does not move at your pace to accomplish your will.  Yea…especially if you’re in your 20’S it takes some reckoning.   Not to worry, change is at your door.

Marriage is in view and it’s scary exciting!  Okay, at times it’s downright frightening when you consider how much you have to give up to become one with this unknown entity.  At another glance, you wonder how you could be this blessed to have such a beautiful heart pant after yours.  If you get your eyes off the image of perfection you have constructed in your mind, you can admit that his character is what you have prayed for and desired.  After admitting that you love him and you’re in love with him, I have a question for you.

Can you follow his lead?  A godly woman should seek to answer this question before her heart completely melts at his acts of kindness and his projection for the future.  Before you consider marriage, you have to resolve that based on his core beliefs and persuasion, you can follow him.  As Christians, we understand that the Marriage Maker has made the man the head of the household and the woman his suitable mate.  This places the woman in a place of being very alert concerning who she allows her heart to be tangled with.  If you cannot follow his lead, you will lead a rebellion against him. 

“How can two walk together unless they agree?” Amos 3:3

You’d be surprised or not that you can easily attempt a coup against this man you love, for the marriage to go the way you see it.  It is crucial to know that you are following the lead of someone who himself is under God’s leadership and agrees that he aims to love you as Christ loves the Church and gave Himself for it. 

I recall someone poking fun at a gentleman she considered suitable for me in the presence of my mentor, who snapped and wiped the smile off our faces.  In a strict tone, she opined, “She will not marry anyone who she can lead, or she will!”

“Wow!”

I had to admit that she was right.  I had to marry someone I honor and respect.  His persuasion and moral stance command honor before he says a word. I was confident that I could follow his lead, even when I wanted it my way.  I trusted who leads him to lead our family and our lives.

So ask yourself that question having noticed his consistency of character and devotion to God.  Save yourself the unnecessary trauma.  Consider why you’d be challenged to follow his lead.  Be honest with yourself before getting too attached. 

If your answer is ‘yes,’ happy courting!

It’s love and it’s beautiful! It’s heart-thumping and nerve-racking, but sweet!  There is a bond, a connection and a feeling like forever is not long enough.  It’s what the movies are made of!  There is the occasional step back that makes you wonder if this is “too good to be true.”  But what more could you ask for when the love is undeniable?

So glad you asked. Let’s stop for just a crucial moment and turn down the background music to really take a sober look at the marriage you passionately desire.  Like any iconic building, marriage needs a strong foundation.  After building that strong foundation, please turn back up the music and let the church bells ring with joyful laughter.

Even before starting the building, please consult the ‘Marriage Maker’ to find out if it is worth your time, effort and emotional investment.   Did GOD give you the nod?  This might leave you feeling lost, so let’s be clear. Very rarely will the voice of GOD thunder from heaven in approval of your spousal choice.  Instead, this requires a relationship already established with Him where you, as His sheep, hear His voice.  In worship when you have drawn close to Him and sense His presence, pop the question and wait.  You might not get a worded answer, but you have started the quest.  He is a good Father who will not give you a stone instead of bread.  God wants you to know who to marry. 

For me, He guided me by His profound peace.  I came to realize that many of my decisions would be made this way since He wants me (us) to know Him this intimately.  God will, in addition, confirm His approval in many ways: some very logical and others crafted just for you. 

The work has just begun!

Not because he or she is the “one” means that it will be smooth sailing!  You both have to empty your trunk of junk from the past,  air your expectations in marriage and make a plan for this new family unit that you can both agree to.  You guessed it…get pre-marital counseling!  By the way, counseling should start when you both decide to pursue each other for the purpose of marriage – courtship. It does not start after you have sent out your “Save the Dates” for the wedding.

This preparation period if mishandled will turn something beautiful into a horror show! Besides the trunk of junk that each person carries into relationships, each has undefined expectations that one may consider is commonly known.  Oh, contrary!

Wisdom is the principal thing; therefore get wisdom: and with all thy getting get understanding. Pr 4:7    

God is entrusting you to love His daughter or His son and it will require serious adjustments on both sides.  Some things will come naturally for you, while others, you will be taught in the process of learning to love each other.  It is work! It’s not automatic!  The more you are yielded to God, the more easily you will love like 1 Cor 13.  This chapter speaks of committed love, the only kind that marriage should be built on. Note…1 Cor 13 goes where no emotion nor fling can follow. It too takes work!

We’re in London, England on our first anniversary…what could go wrong?

Sorry I asked…

We were chipper leaving the hotel and heading off into the great unknown to make our own anniversary adventure.  Oxford Circus was a buzz and an exciting vibrant atmosphere surrounded us as we delighted in all its architectural offerings.

Admittedly, it was a little dampening when we learnt we could not catch any of our favourite plays in a theatre that day since they were fully booked. Still, if there was one thing we were – it was hope-full.

We shook that off and headed for dinner.  You know, a little fancy restaurant to enjoy fine cuisine.  The restaurant we settled with didn’t look ideal but we thought it might do the trick.  After ordering, we chatted and shared our excitement about being on tour with the band for a month as well as all we would do together.  Soon our Italian cuisine arrived and though not visually stimulating, we were ready for “new.”  We got just that!  Frozen squid in tomato sauce plopped on top of spaghetti, was new. 

Eventually, we gave up on food and decided to browse the vibrant Oxford Circus.  We soon found a struggling Czech Republic migrant who drew this picture with one pencil.  He captured some facial features well and missed others, but we were happy.   

Night was starting to fall and we decided to catch the train back to our hotel, after getting some directions to the station. We soon realised we were lost, very lost! We were lost for hours. All the honey in our moon was gone and we became annoyed with each other. We waved at taxis one after the other and stood confused as to why they ignore us.  Hours passed and it was dark…and hopeless.  We comforted each other, feeling the scourge of rejection. It dawned on us that we were Black.  After praying, waving at more taxis and waiting, a kind taxi driver drove past us and returned.  Interestingly, he dropped us in front of our hotel in under 5 mins. We were so close to the hotel.

As we entered the hotel lobby, we were greeted by band members who added the icing to our ‘anniversary experience.’ They informed us that the tour had been cancelled and we had to find a place to stay by tomorrow! 

We laughed and laughed! Indeed, we were on a longer ‘adventure’ since we were stuck in England for a month now, with no more concerts.  We decided to make the most of it and ride every wave that came. 

At the end of that night, we ordered room service and had the best lasagna ever!  We celebrated our love for each other and apologized for the moments we lost track of the main things. Looking back over the 21 years of marriage. Our attitude has been a lot like that first anniversary.  We challenge each challenge together as one force and laugh a lot.   

Courting is an exciting time of discovery and romance, laden with the mystery of weaving two lives together. I remember how keenly we planned our many excursions which strangely erased unfamiliarity and brought us closer together. The task of getting to know each other was the most rewarding job we could have been given. Certainly,  we would do it well...like two nerds with sharpened pencils at the front of the class.

While you may call our premarital counseling somewhat of a drive-by counseling, these two nerds took the assignment to task journeying across Jamaica with our journals. Whether with fresh caught fish on the seaside or discovering a castle on a mountainside, we pulled out our Expectations journals (EJ). Discovering each other stirred deep conversations.

Like flipping the pages of our hearts to view the next set of details we uncovered our expectations in marriage ranging from how we want to be loved to who washes the dishes. Dating became fruitful and very interesting.

As I often say, the marriage you’re going to have is already programmed into your heart. It therefore makes sense to unveil the heart unashamedly in the early stages so each gather enough information to know if this is the one worth committing to. Differences are certain, but an amicable conclusion can often be reached.

After honestly and diligently going through a range of topics in our EJ, we were better prepared to tackle the tumultuous early years of marriage, understanding each other’s expectations.

Here’s a taste of a question you’ll tackle in the EJ, “If we have a conflict, how would you like me to approach you?”

After 20 years of marriage, we want to help couples navigate through the premarital stages with the Expectations Journal.

Unlike a plain journal, we have made it special with prompts and pictures that you will make into your own memorabilia, while getting on the same page with your spouse. We have provided a list of potent subjects that premarital couples should certainly discuss before marriage.

Interestingly, we still have our Expectations Journal and carry them on almost every anniversary. We chuckle over want we use to expect and refresh what we now expect. This premarital tool can accompany you on any date.

Get ready! Choose a topic. Write your heart out about it! Exchange books !

You may think you know what to expect!

Enjoy each other!

Order your copy of The Expectations Journal by Tania Case on Amazon.com.